Surprise, it's port.

It's not just a sassily lowbrow ber name. It's also the ingredient list.

This brew has been getting the population of Albion drunk for centuries.

Evenly proportioned, almost hedonistic Voignier. Opens with pork rind, hairspray, and hints of anise.

One would be able to detect hints of raspberry, honeydew, and marmoset with one's nose, if one was a pompous ass.

This low-quality beer will coat your mouth with a bitter sheen of sadness. Best imbibed only after following several other drinks or a swift blow to the head.

Despite its unappetizing name, this liquor has been immensely popular thanks to its affordability and the relatively few cases of blindness it has been known to cause.

This is as good as beer gets. Transforms yourself into a drunken pillar of health and strength with this superhuman brew.

Cocktail of tabasco sauce, salt, and possibly paint thiner.

It is said that the feet of those treading poisonberries to make this wine are apt to turn gren and fall off. On the other hand, if you don't mind a bit of rotgut and blindness, it will get you drunk fast.

Make yourself drunk. Make others drunk. What not to like?

Developed long ago by enterprising sailors who found that they could not drink sea water, the effects of this combination of rum and water are not unlike those of a burly boastswain punching you in the face.

Hints of vanilla, touches of oak and whispers of fruity jam are purely imaginary in this bog-standard claret.

Also known in some circles as the Tenebrous Vintage of Exsanguinated Shadows. An extremely rare and ancient wine made by the first order of monks from the Temple of Shadows. Once used in ritual sacrifices, now sniffed, sipped, and expectorated by the obscenely wealthy.

Thusly named because you'll be turning yellow from the resulting liver damage. 250 proof, tastes like marshmallows.